Downtown Dunedin 7pm-10pm

April 10th, 2008

Door Prizes, Raffles, Haggis Hunt (Hunters MUST have a license due to City of Dunedin regulation H-32907.bs)

Meet the Haggis Hunter! Meet the Haggis Man!

Meet the Haggis!

Haggi seen in downtown Dunedin area!!!. North American Striped haggi with haggles spotted near Curlew Creek in Dunedin, FL photo by M Dunlap

Haggis Hunting Licenses- $5 Donation

Pipers! Dancers!

Wear your Tartans!!!

April 10, 2008

Benefit for the New World Celts

www.newworldcelts.org

Haggis Hunting Methods (Copyrighted 2008)

-1- Use a Haggis Loremaster and a Ghillie Hunter…This is a preferred method and one highly advised. Insert Single Malt scotch into same, let them ramble on for about an hour, then release haggles into the wild to lure Haggi to the field. Just before the Hunt starts, Hold a moment of silence (the Hush) to relax the Haggis. If they get agitated, they may escalate to hyper status, and there is a grave danger of being mauled…. Then release the hunters. They should make for the Haggles, and capture them. Bring all Haggles back to the Home base. The Hubbub caused by the Hunters will allow the Ghillie to capture the Alpha Haggis, which he will then parade to the crowd. Haggis will then be butchered, and forever inserted into the stomachs and Lore of Dunedin, or Jacksonville, or Ft Lauderdale, or Sarasota or Orlando…wait, not Orlando…too much fantasy there already…

Write us at newworldcelts@gmail.com and we will provide method #1 for you.

-2- Use a Haggis Hook, stand near the water, awaiting what looks like Nessie’s silhouette, then cast hook into water. Two very important rules to follow: Always bring something to drink, preferably of the alcoholic nature, and for god’s sake, man, tie a line to the hook. This is always done in the company of scantily clad good looking young women, to of course, lure the Haggis…(actually used this method only once, just as the wife found me on the causeway, under the influence, and in the company of a scantily clad female…when asked to produce the Haggis Hunting Hook, I explained to her that I had thrown it into the water, but alas, had not tied a line to it!!!) Moral of the story: never forget to have a good line with you…

(Real men, in the Highlands, at first used sticks and stones to hunt the little, bambi-eyed Haggi, but that was not very sporting, aye? So they challenged each other to use heavier stones and big sticks. (“Walk softly and carry a big stick” is a Haggis hunter’s creed.) As they became more and more proficient in using the larger weapons, they kept escalating the size. It got to the point that the sticks became branches, then logs, and then even poles! As they became even better, the challenge was that one had to, before hitting the targeted haggis, bounce the pole off of one end first!!! You guessed it, After Hunting Haggis for centuries, the men were so used to tossing cabers and heavy stones at the Haggi, when the Haggis thinned out, and then moved to Canada, the Scotsmen started the Highland Games in their honor.)

-3- Dig a hole (please not in a blacktop parking lot) and place an OPEN bottle of Single Malt Scotch (yes, with the scotch in it!) deep inside the hole. The Haggis will drink the Scotch, but may become agitated. Tis very dangerous at this time, and on the verge of going “hyper”, so we suggest sending a Loremaster or ghillie to bring the Haggis in slowly…. Give the professionals at least a hundred yards clearance between you and the Sco…haggis, and don’t be surprised if the haggis disappears along with the Scotch…. it happens quite frequently, with the ghillie and the Loremaster not remembering a thing later, the poor bastards.

-4- A safer method is to give the Pro Haggis Hunters the Scotch up front, and they will attempt to catch you a Haggis, if they remember why it is you gave them the Scotch in the first place. They will even de-leg, skin it, have it cooked and eat it with you. (It tastes surprisingly like liver meatloaf, if you ever had occasion to eat liver meatloaf!). Of course you will have to pay for the entire meal, and the Scotch.

But wasn’t it worth it?

What you need to hunt the West Florida Haggis is:

A Haggis Hunting License: Send SASE & $5 donation to the New World Celts, PO Box 0362, Dunedin FL 34698 and you will receive laminated license with neck string. You MUST have this to hunt the Haggi!

Males, wear a kilt…. Females, wear a skirt, the shorter, the better (for safety reasons, of course). Do wear anything made of wool, especially if it has bright colors died into it, for the Haggi cannae see tartan.

Remember they can hear the light “swishing” sound of Plaid against underwear, so dress accordingly.

Haggi can also smell human scent, so splash some single malt Scotch all about you, and “Hagger” from side-to-side so that they cannot see you. (They can see humans walking in a straight line).

Listen to the Ghillie and Loremaster, no matter what they tell you to do.

Get a Haggis Hook, and a good Line!

Provide lots of Single Malt Scotch (Blends are right Out).

Have fun and Happy Haggissing!

Lore of the Haggi is Original Lore, copyright 2008, from

Mick “Crock’o’Haggis” Dunlop

obscure photo of a Haggis in Hammock Park in 1957 found in City of Dunedin Archives by researcher MS Dunlap

A Haggis Lore master, Mick “Crock’o’Haggis” Dunlop is on hand for Haggis History and Lore.

We do not know if the North American or Scottish Haggis will be available for Hunting, as anyone who has hunted Snipe will tell you but we are sure that Haggling will be involved. We are anticipating Haggles (Haggis Pups)

No Hassles, Please.

Do not bring any snowbirds with you as these are considered delicacies by the female Haggi.

Pipers, Scottish Dancers, Haggis Legs, Haggis Eggs, Hash, Raffles,

Name the Haggis contest. And of course, the Haggis Hunt.

7pm-11pm

New World Celts Haggis Hunt April 10, 2008